for dust you are, and to dust you will return

There is nothing happy or positive about death. Whether it is the statement that they have moved on to a better place or that they have found peace at last. None of these half-hearted consolations manage to fill the void that death leaves behind. All it leaves behind is an overwhelming amount of pain and memories. Try as you might. it is kind of difficult to not deal with it alone. Because face it, who the hell cares? And the people who do, are probably dealing with their own set of problems. 
People tell me I am too pessimistic and cynical. Also while on one of those semi-pessimistic sprees, my mother did point out that things have fallen into place, so far, despite taking its own sweet time. Some people are just lucky, I am so unlucky I don't even win at the slot machines. My sister pointed out once that since I now know that luck isn't my strongest point, maybe I should start working my ass off for things I want in life. Good point. 
Some people will judge you no matter how close they are to you. You might expect them to be the last people on earth to judge you, but they do, and they do it quiet well, probably so well that no one else might be able to do it. I am assuming its just too tempting to not do it even for your friends.oh well. 
This semester has probably been the worst semester of my college life so far. I have absolutely no idea how I have so much work and stuff to do, but I do. It just pops up one after the other and scares me. Like when slice of bread pops out of the toaster and scares the shit out of you with the *ting* noise it makes. The end of the semester also brings me closer to going home. And therefore, closer to coming back from home. I worry and stress about things months away. Maybe I should have just stuck to studying psychology and treated myself. Even with probably the best set of Professors I have ever had, the semester is probably going to be the death of me. If my teeth don't get to me first. 
Repression has become one of my favorite techniques to deal with stuff. Mainly applying for my internships. It works though, as long as it is repressed. Then I need chocolate. And I start watching Hindi serials. More repression to repress the repression. That's called repreception. I probably should stop repressing stuff. 
Just to reiterate the beginning of the post, 
    "If they answer not to thy call walk alone.

If they are afraid and cower mutely facing the wall,

O thou unlucky one,

open thy mind and speak out alone.

If they turn away, and desert you when crossing the wilderness,

O thou unlucky one,

trample the thorns under thy tread,

and along the blood-lined track travel alone.

If they do not hold up the light when the night is troubled with storm,

O thou unlucky one,

with the thunder flame of pain ignite thy own heart

and let it burn alone. "

Listening to this in Amitabh Bacchan's voice just doubles the effects of the words on you.